A half-term Center Parcs break isn't the middle-class flex you think it is... despite what Mumsnet says: Smug, gurning berks on hired bikes. Ghastly themed restaurants. And hours of forced family fun. Inside my THREE holidays at the pine-filled purgatory

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As I approach middle age, with a small child to entertain, Lord save me from the inevitable hell of another Center Parcs mini break.

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